I have to admit, it seems like I have been a father in some capacity, or maybe in a past life. It seems natural, and the apprehension that I thought I would have simply does not exist. Still, I wonder how everything will unfold as time passes.
For now, I will continue to change diapers, sing rediclous songs, and act like I get all the sleep in the world.
It seems that I started this and then life took over. Now, I find myself one day away from fatherhood. We are scheduled to be induced tomorrow, and in light of this news, I am calm.
Still, I am not oblivious the notion that my life will change. But, I am tired of waiting. Maybe not as much as Chrissy, my wife, but tired all the less.
Well, it seems that Logan, our dog, is in need of his daily constitutional. Seeing that his life is about to change also, it seems only right to give time one more day of normalcy.
Ok – I admit, I am a bit slow when it comes to posting. Still, I feel that a post should be something of interest, and my wife keeps yelling at me for not posting. So here it is.
We are pregnant. Yes – the structured sex worked. But we are early in the process and anything can happen over the next few weeks. In a way, the news is bitter sweet. As happy as we are, we are nervous. Not only because the first trimester is critical, but because starting a family is closer to reality. And I can’t help but ask myself, How the hell can you be a father when you never knew your own father?
I am a product of a divorce. My Father left my mother six months pregnant, drove to California with the women he was cheating on her with and started over. I met him once when I was seven, and talked to him a handful of times before he dies of AIDS in 1994.
Needless to say, my mother never remarried and I never did find a father figure. All I have to go on what I have seen other fathers, those who I admired, do with there families. Is that enough? I suppose eventually I will find out. For now, I sit and wonder what’s to come.
My wife and I have been married a little over two years. So what do two people in love do at the two year mark? No, it’s not divorce. Nope, we already bought a house, and yes we added a puppy to the family (we already had one dog). Still guessing - you got it – a baby.
After a few months of trying on our own, with little success, we sought the advice of my wife’s obgyn. Now, it’s monthly ultrasounds to track follicles and a prescription for sex every twenty-four hours until our ovulation monitor tells us different. While most men would hear this and jump up and down like over-hormonal adolescents, as I did at first, “structured sex”, as our doctor calls it, is not romantic.
If it weren’t for romance marriage would be nothing more that a tax break. I get it, we’re both in our mid thirties, and time is of the essence. So I have no problem with the regiment, but I would be a liar if I said I didn’t miss that spontaneity.
Nevertheless, we swim forward, optimistic and patient. Who knows, in a few weeks maybe a new journey will begin. For now – swim brothers, swim, and bring shiny gifts.
So, here it is, my first blog entry. From here I hope to transcribe the chatter from within my head for anyone who might be interested in it. But for now, I’ll keep it brief…oh how I love brevity.
